🌿Managing Anxiety After Divorce or Loss: Gentle Tools to Help You Breathe Again
Anxiety is something I live with every day. It’s not “my anxiety” because it doesn’t define me, but it’s a presence I have to meet with patience and kindness. After divorce or loss, anxiety can feel like an unwelcome guest that overstays its visit — tightening your chest, racing your mind, and making it hard to simply be.
If you’ve found yourself waking up with that heavy knot, or feeling overwhelmed by everyday moments, you’re not alone. Anxiety after such deep loss is common, and it’s understandable. But you don’t have to let it rule your life. There are tools, small steps, and mindful practices that can help you reclaim your calm, one breath at a time.
This post is a soft guide — a collection of gentle strategies I’ve learned to lean on when anxiety tries to take over.
Why Anxiety Can Take Hold After Divorce or Loss
When our world shifts suddenly, our body and mind respond. Anxiety is a natural alarm system designed to protect us from danger. But after trauma, that system can get stuck on “high alert.”
You might notice:
Your heart races without warning
Your thoughts spiral into worst-case scenarios
You avoid places, people, or decisions that feel triggering
You have trouble sleeping or focusing
These symptoms aren’t a sign of weakness or failure — they’re your nervous system trying to keep you safe in a world that feels unpredictable.
Changing the Way You Talk About Anxiety
One small but powerful shift I’ve made is in the way I talk about anxiety.
I don’t say, “My anxiety.” Instead, I think of anxiety as something that visits me, not something I own.
This helps me create distance and gives me room to say:
“Anxiety is here right now.”
“I see you, anxiety, but you don’t control me.”
“I’m going to take care of myself even with anxiety present.”
Language shapes experience. When we feel trapped by anxiety, changing the narrative can be a first step toward freedom.
Breathing Exercises: Your Anchor in the Storm
Breath is one of the most immediate ways to calm anxiety. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, your body tends to take short, shallow breaths — which feeds the cycle of panic.
Here’s a simple breathing exercise you can do anywhere:
Box Breathing (4-4-4-4)
Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
Repeat this cycle 4–6 times or until you feel calmer.
This rhythmic breathing helps reset your nervous system and grounds you in the present moment.
Mindfulness: Finding Stillness Amid Chaos
Mindfulness means paying attention to the present without judgment. It’s a way to stop wrestling with your thoughts and feelings and instead observe them like clouds drifting in the sky.
If anxiety tells you, “What if something terrible happens?” mindfulness invites you to say, “I notice that thought. I’m safe right now.”
A Simple Mindfulness Practice
Find a quiet spot and sit comfortably.
Close your eyes or soften your gaze.
Take a few deep breaths, feeling the rise and fall of your chest.
Focus on sounds around you, the feel of the chair beneath you, or the air on your skin.
When your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to these sensations — no judgment.
Even a few minutes a day can help train your brain to pause, rather than panic.
Journaling: Making Space for Your Feelings
Writing can be a powerful way to untangle anxious thoughts and feel less alone with them. This is one of my favorite coping mechanisms.
Here’s how to start:
Set a timer for 5–10 minutes.
Write freely about what you’re feeling — don’t worry about grammar or structure.
If you’re stuck, try prompts like:
What is my anxiety trying to tell me today?
What do I need right now?
What small thing can I do to feel safer?
Journaling doesn’t have to fix anything — it’s a place to be honest with yourself and release what’s swirling inside.
Other Gentle Strategies to Consider
Movement
Light exercise like walking or gentle stretching can ease tension in your body and help your mind settle. Even five minutes can make a difference. I’ve found that walking really helps me.
Limit Stimulants
Caffeine and sugar can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Notice how these affect you and try cutting back if needed.
Grounding Techniques
Engage your senses to reconnect with the present:
Touch something textured like a soft blanket
Smell a calming scent like lavender
Taste something slowly, savoring every bite
Social Support
Reach out to friends or support groups who understand what you’re going through. You don’t have to carry anxiety alone.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes anxiety can feel overwhelming despite your best efforts. That’s okay.
Therapists trained in trauma, grief, or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can offer personalized tools and support. Medication may also be an option for some.
Reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a brave step toward healing.
My Daily Reminder: You Are Not Your Anxiety
Every day, I remind myself that anxiety is a visitor, not my identity.
I don’t have to let it run the show. Instead, I can:
Breathe through it
Sit with it without judgment
Reach out for help when I need it
This mindset has made the difference between feeling controlled and feeling hopeful.
Here are some tools that have helped me, and you might find comforting too:
Guided meditation apps (like Calm or Headspace) to help with mindfulness
Journals designed for anxiety or grief with prompts that gently guide you
Breathing exercise tools or apps to remind you to pause and breathe
Calming teas like chamomile or lavender to create soothing rituals
Weighted blankets for deep pressure comfort
You can find links to these in my shop or recommended resources section.
❤️ From Me to You
If you’re reading this and anxiety has wrapped itself around your chest in that familiar way… I want you to know something:
You are not broken.
You are not too much.
You are not failing.
You’re doing the impossible — rebuilding a life after something you never imagined. And anxiety? It’s not a character flaw. It’s a response to deep change, deep pain, and deep love.
There have been mornings I couldn’t get out of bed without first talking myself through each tiny step. Afternoons where I’d sit in my car just to cry. Nights when the silence in my home felt too loud. If you’ve felt those things too, you’re not alone.
Sometimes healing looks like walking bravely into your day, even with shaky hands and a racing heart. Other times, it looks like pulling back the covers and letting yourself rest. Both are sacred.
Let this be a space where your whole heart — fear and all — is welcome.
Let this be a reminder that God is near, even when your thoughts feel loud and your spirit feels small.
✝️ A Prayer for Peace in the Midst of Anxiety
Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace
Mother Mary,
my heart is heavy with worry,
my thoughts are restless,
and I cannot seem to find peace.In your gentleness, wrap me in your mantle.
Help me to quiet the storms within me.
Intercede for me with your Son,
that I may receive His peace —
not as the world gives,
but the peace that surpasses all understanding.Help me surrender my fears to Him,
to trust in His timing,
and to walk forward even when the path is uncertain.Our Lady of Mental Peace,
pray for me.
Amen.
Even in the middle of anxiety, you are loved.
You are seen.
And you are never walking through this alone.
